VA bans (well, almost) cul de sacs!

http://www.virginiadot.org/projects/ssar/default.asp

This is fantastic! You have no idea how much I hate cul de sac neighborhoods and how unfriendly they are!

Y'know what?

Hugh Laurie as House is sexier than Hugh Laurie as himself. But, then again, women like assholes.

This is no good.

http://www.thenewsstar.com/article/20090311/UPDATES01/90311022

Weyerhaeuser has announced that it will indefinitely close its Veneer and Engineered Wood Mills in the Lincoln Parish town of Simsboro and the Winn Parish Town of Dodson.

The closure in Simsboro will eliminate 47 jobs, while the closure in Dodson will eliminate 138 jobs.

A company spokesman said the closures are due to the slowdown in the housing market, which has resulted in reduced demand for wood products. The spokesman said the mills could eventually re-open, but to set any timeline would be purely speculative.

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

http://www.chaosmatrix.org/library/humor/reject.html

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

I have the hardest time singing this song

Separate Ways Remake

From Bill Simmons' latest mailbag:

Q: In Matt Cassel's first news conference with the Chiefs, someone asked Cassel if he was looking forward to meeting Bernard Pollard. Shouldn't he immediately take some of his new money and buy Pollard a new car? The best full circle moment is the fact Cassel would still be a nobody if it weren't for the Chiefs and now he is playing for them. GOD, I LOVE THE NFL!
-- David, Elon, N.C.

SG: I'll go one further -- imagine if we learned Cassel offered Pollard $3 million to take out Brady's knee in Week 1? Would that be one of the five biggest scandals in sports history? It wouldn't be bigger than the 1919 White Sox throwing the World Series, or the college basketball point-shaving scandals in the '40s and '50s … but it would be equally as big as Tonya Harding conspiring to maim Nancy Kerrigan, right? By the way, listen to Monday's B.S. Report if you want to hear me make the case for the 2009 Chiefs as a phenomenal bet at 100-to-1 to win the Super Bowl, thanks to my theory that the success of one team can become a sports colonic for that city's fans, turn them from "glass half-empty" to "glass half-full" and ignite every other team in the city. I see the Royals kicking off things by becoming this year's 2008 Rays, followed by an NBA team moving to K.C. in June or July. Then in September, with the pennant race heating up and K.C. fans already delirious, the Chiefs will charge out of the gate with four straight wins … although there's a sobering moment when Joe Posnanski's head tragically explodes as he's crafting a column trying to put everything in perspective. Just be prepared. Wait, you don't believe me?

Q: I listened to your Monday podcast and was interested in your "Kansas City Theory." I thought that a good example of these things being cyclical was Cleveland in 2007. Both the Browns and Indians had unusually successful seasons when compared to their normal vomit-inducing play. If you add this with the Cavaliers' play in the LeBron Era, it's hard for anyone to deny that this theory bears at least some merit.
-- Brad H., New York

SG: See? It happens! Some other good examples: the '84 Tigers (paved the way for the "Bad Boy" Pistons, the Barry Sanders Era and the Steve Yzerman Era); the '01 Pats (the '04 Red Sox and '08 Celts, as well as two more Pats titles); Chicago in the mid-'80s (the '83 White Sox, '84 Cubs, '85 Bears and the Jordan Era); Seattle in the mid-'90s (Sonics and Mariners); Pittsburgh in the late-'70s (Steelers and Pirates); Cincy in the late '80s ('89 Bengals, '90 Reds); Boston in the mid-'80s ('85 Pats, '86 Celts, '86 Red Sox); New York in the late-'90s ('98-'99-'00 Yanks, '00 Mets, '99 Knicks; '00 Giants); and L.A. in the late-'80s ('88 Dodgers, '87-'88 Lakers, '89 Raiders). There is ample evidence that a city can catch fire like a hot blackjack table. Just remember we had this conversation when they're calling it "The Year of K.C." in seven months.

(Or, feel free to e-mail me this whole section in a few months just to make fun or me. Either one will do.)

Q: Your "Year of K.C." has as much hope as the "Summer of George."
-- Alex R., Holden

SG: (Searching for a comeback.)